My Ghost say Salut

In the backseat / Arcade Fire


你教會了我最悲傷的事情總是毫無痕跡地藏在生活的皺摺裡







I like the peace
in the backseat,
I don't have to drive,
I don't have to speak,
I can watch the country side,
and I can fall asleep.

My family tree's
losing all its leaves,
crashing towards the driver's seat,
the lightning bolt made enough heat
to melt the street beneath your feet.

Alice died
in the night,
I've been learning to drive.
My whole life,
I've been learning.

I like the peace
in the backseat,
I don't have to drive,
I don't have to speak,
I can watch the country side

Alice died
in the night,
I've been learning to drive.
My whole life,
I've been learn----Oh....

 

 

 而我們學習平靜路過彼此的皺摺。

 

他年輕時曾說，將來要去遠方流浪，到陌生的地方消磨時光，就算無人知曉地死去也好。

她回答他，如果真是這樣，那麼請他每抵達一個新的城市，就給她寄明信片。
這麼一來，在再也等不到來信的那天，她就會知道，是她該啟程循著他的路線前進的時候了。

她想知道他看過什麼風景，遇過怎樣的人們，吹過哪樣的風，越過如何的溪流。
在平行的時間裡彌補錯過的空間，她說，我要代你重溫所有時光。


每次看著beirut的postcards from italy，就會想起這些事。





Postcards from Italy / Beirut


The times we had
Oh, when the wind would blow with rain and snow
Were not all bad
We put our feet just where they had, had to go
Never to go

The shattered soul
Following close but nearly twice as slow
In my good times
There were always golden rocks to throw
at those who admit defeat too late
Those were our times, those were our times

And I will love to see that day
That day is mine
When she will marry me outside with the willow trees
And play the songs we made
They made me so
And I would love to see that day
Her day was mine

Saturday night.


左手小拇指關節不知何時受傷了。


躺在床上啃著流血的指關節，


打了一通胡鬧的電話，


如果問喜歡一個人的表達方式如何讓人感覺可愛，


突然間，我想唱yellow給你聽。










在應接不暇的Chris Martin那純真又窘迫的表情之外，



我其實很專心地尋找沙灘上是否留下攝影機軌道的痕跡。



我總是這樣相當不配合地，很不合時宜地再度分心。

Song to say goodbye to summer.



Softshock / Yeah Yeah Yeahs





Unknown, talk to unknown
Ever, lasts forever
Well, it's a shock, shock
to your soft side
Summer moon
Catch your shut eye
In your room, in my room
In your room, in my room

Louder, lips speak louder
Better back together
Still it's a shock, shock
to your soft side
Summer moon
Catch your shut eye
In my room, in your room
In my room, in your room

It's the time, it's the place, don't leave me
It's the time, it's the place, don't leave me
It's the time, it's the place,
Don't leave me out
Leave me out, leave me out, leave me out

Leave
Leave
Leave
Ah, ah
Leave

This is not a love song / Nouvelle Vague


This is not a love song
Happy to have, not to have not
Big business is very wise
I'm crossing over into enterprise

This is not a love song
This is not a love song
This is not a love song
This is not a love song

I'm adaptable now I like my new role
I'm getting better and better
And I have a new goal
I'm changing my ways
Where money applies, this is not a love song

This is not a love song
This is not a love song
This is not a love song
This is not a love song

I'm going over to the other side
I'm happy to have, not to have not
Big business is very wise
I'm inside free enterprise

This is not a love song
This is not a love song
This is not a love song
This is not a love song

Now television behind the curtain
Out of the cupboard
You take the first train into the big world
Are you ready to grab the candle, not television?

This is not a love song
This is not a love song
This is not a love song
This is not a love song

星期天的晚上我在旅館生著病喝著水，
陪伴我的MTV台另類搖滾時段，
第一次聽到The Alphabeat的音樂，
這是就連病人聽了都會感覺歡樂忘懷痛苦的歌。
（儘管歌詞好像不該如旋律那麼歡樂:P）

人生有崇拜意識以來第一個偶像。
我爸還買了林強的卡拉伴唱帶回家，除了這首歌我還愛唱黑輪伯。

而當年的帥哥現在是個中年人了，
在哀傷的鐵路地下化之後，台北的街頭再也不是回憶童年的憑據。

小學低年級的夏天，舅舅帶著到高雄過暑假的我回台北開學，
路過中華路一帶，我探出頭看著繁榮的街景，
百無聊賴地踢著腿，纏著舅舅好熱好熱拜託拜託帶我去游泳池好不好？
舅舅說，好啊，那就帶你去游泳。

最後送我回家的舅舅畢竟哪兒也沒帶我去，沒有多留便回高雄去。
事後近二十年我還完整記得這些片段，還有舅舅黝黑的側臉，
看起來好像曬黑的林強，不過林強又比較帥一些。

過去離鄉背井的人總是有唱不完的鄉愁那卡西，
儘管悲傷唱著愛人他嫁、思念故鄉媽媽、在外地打拼時往肚裡吞的淚水..
但總是同時也給人堅強明朗的感覺，儘管傷心卻也好像沒有任何事情可以打倒他們，
只要那卡西的音樂一起，引起思慕的鄉愁同樣在撫慰孤獨的心。

而在科技縮短空間距離時代下的我們的鄉愁又是什麼？
我想，大概就是對於無法挽回的過去美好景象的追憶，
是時間上的距離取代過去空間引起的鄉愁。

我懷念跟姊姊坐在裝有電風扇的公車，靠著開啟的窗我們不畏側目大聲唱著
晚間連續劇的主題曲；我懷念掛滿雖廉價但卻是我們眼中至寶的玩具店舖；
我懷念那條上學路上必經的清澈小溝，跟在姊姊後頭每回總擔心自己跳躍不過，
會跟不上她的步伐；我懷念跟著奶奶的木屐聲上市場的日子，期待著意外的小零食；
我懷念小學時跟著同學一臉害羞又假裝氣呼呼的模樣飛奔到那片灰牆前的放學午後，
在那裡誰愛誰都沒有祕密地被公開宣傳。

但我哪裡都沒離開過，
卻隨著時光推進彷彿活在虛構的遠行中。

而這項遠行是單向的，我們哪兒都回不去的。




每一次聽著向前行，便將我拉回那個比現在或任何過去都美好的時代裡，
爸爸騎著野狼125偏心地只載我一個人去河堤兜風，
在那裡向路邊小販買了一組附有假針筒跟聽診器的醫護玩具組給我。
爸爸總是讓我坐在油箱上的位置，我的臉迎著風，吹了一頭亂髮。
回家的路上，我問爸爸：野狼很貴對不對？

老爸一臉傷腦筋地說：對啊！都要餵它吃小白兔，很貴的！





我好喜歡。



好喜歡。

Anthems for a seventeen-year-old girl / Broken Social Scene

Used to be one
of the rotten ones
and i liked you for that

now you're all gone
got your makeup on
and you aint coming back

bleaching your teeth
smile like a flash
talking trash under your breath
(or under my window)

park that car
drop that phone
sleep on the floor
dream about me

今天傍晚看了好多以前拍的小影片，從剛考上大學的暑假開始，
一直到我們一起看的電影節，和胖皮玩耍的片段，
冬天在路邊縮著身體等著炸好的鹽穌雞，
還有大三那年大家一塊喝酒排戲...
回家路上想到這首歌，
不知怎地覺得很像看著這些影片時的心情和氣氛。
(雖然離17歲已經好遠了啊...)

看著那些切片的段落，我想這過程中必定曾經遺失了什麼吧，
所以現在的自己看起來，沒辦法總是那麼純然地開心著，
不過，看著過去的自己，還是覺得很榮幸，
我曾經是那樣子精神奕奕地感染著別人，
我很高興看見她，幾年之後能再給我一點力量和希望的，
並不是別人。

人之所以要生活下去，到現在對我來說還是一個謎團，
現在24歲的我似乎還沒有資格跟立場說些老態的大話，
我只是想著在那些細節看起來雖然不同，實際上卻一致的人生們，
我們要怎麼四處尋找說服自己沈浸在生活裡頭的理由，
即便怎樣的關係終將凋零，即便自己也不會永遠將自我用力懷抱，
但是，漫長的歲月中人卻可以一試再試，還是可以找出熱血的希望，
所以，人真是一種相當有毅力的動物啊！
不可思議。

我覺得，這陣子的自己似乎完全失去力氣了，
有一種莫名的萬念俱灰。
不想要懷抱希望，不想要有所期待，連跑步時也都無法專注思考。

我知道這是一種潮汐的循環，
所以，我打算不要驚擾內心那個沈寂的自己。

讓她去吧，就算最後她死掉了，妳還是會活下去。
因為妳跟其他人
並沒有兩樣。

About Love.